Creating Realistic Writing Goals

•January 31, 2017 • Leave a Comment

January is the time when everyone creates unrealistic goals for themselves that they’ll utterly fail at in February.

 Writers are no different. Every writing career is in full bloom in January. Novels are destined to be written, short stories destined for publication, hour upon hours of time in front of the laptop waiting to be logged. It’s all going to get done and it’s all going to be perfect.

 And then it’s not.

 Novels are left unfinished, short stories rejected, laptops abandoned for…well, ANYTHING besides writing. Probably funny cat videos on YouTube or endless Facebook stalking. After all, that kid who sat behind you in 8th grade bio isn’t going to stalk himself.

 Now there’s not much I can suggest about finishing that novel because that’s just a matter of will power and logging writing hours comes down to creating a writing schedule and sacrificing pretty much everything else in your life (or at least everything that isn’t breathing), but earning writing credits through publication is another matter.

 If you want to get published, there’s one simple lesson you must learn: You must learn to fail. Failing is a highly underrated skill. Everyone can do it, but not everyone can do it well. The bottom line is that, as a writer seeking publication (literary magazine, novel publication, whatever), you’re going to fail. You’re going to be rejected. You have to be strong enough to absorb the blow and keep fighting. If you’re going to be an expert failure, however, you have to learn not to only accept failure but CELEBRATE it!

 Every year I make a goal to earn a certain number of rejections. Usually my minimum is 50. That way each time I’m rejected, I’m actually succeeding because I’m moving closer to my goal. The funny thing is that usually my tsunami of rejections is interrupted occasionally by an acceptance here and there. Pesky things, these damn acceptances. Don’t they know I’m trying to FAIL!

 That’s the trick then. Setting a goal for a certain number of acceptances is a lot of pressure. Failure, though? That’s something we can all do. So get out there and fail your ass off!

Bulletproof Tiger

•January 11, 2017 • Leave a Comment

My latest online story, “Bulletproof Tiger” is now live on my website. This one was born from my Bulletproof Tiger Theory that theorizes that life would be better if humans weren’t on top of the food chain. We wouldn’t have time to worry about insignificant bullshit like car registrations and who was supposed to do the dishes and which celebrity you never met overdosed this week.

It’s an absurdist piece that’s more philosophy than anything else, but I think it does its job. Enjoy!

Bulletproof Tiger

 

2016 Troxellian Literature Awards (The Results)

•December 29, 2016 • Leave a Comment

The year 2016 may not have been great for celebrities NOT dying, but it was another good year for literature. It’s time to announce the winners of the 2016 Troxellian Literature Awards! The nominees were posted in a previous post. All winners were chosen by me and the results are based on nothing more than my whims and fancies. Novels and graphic novels are fair game in all categories as long as I read it within the calendar year. Here are the awards!

The “WOOHOO” Award

This award goes to the book that I had the most fun reading during the year. And the Troxell goes to…

Old Man Logan by Mark Miller

For the second year in a row this award goes to a graphic novel, and I suspect it usually will since graphic novels, by nature, are just more fun than basic books. I loved Old Man Logan. I always enjoy non-traditional approaches to the superhero genre. Is there a better set-up in all of comics? Here’s a story that takes place years after the Bad Guys have beaten all the good guys in the Marvel Universe. There’s an old pacifist Wolverine, President Red Skull, and an in-bred Hulk family. What more could you ask for?

Honorable mention: Malice Chris Wooding

The “HULK OUT!!!” Award

This award goes to the book that pissed me off the most because I was expecting it to be good…and then it totally wasn’t. And the Troxell goes to…

Man in the High Castle by Phillip K. Dick

Last year Philip K. Dick won my most prestigious award with Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? I proclaimed that I had found a new favorite author and looked forward to reading his entire collection. Then I read Man in the High Castle, an alternate history tale where the Axis Powers win World War II…and that was pretty much the end of the love affair. I loved the concept, but it was boring and totally forgettable. I was all excited because I was going to watch the Amazon show after finishing the book and blah! I no longer like Dick…wait…

Dishonorable mentions: Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury

The “AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!” Award (formally the Tap Out award)

This award goes to the book that I quit reading the fastest. And the Troxell goes to…

Uglies by Scott Westerfeld

I had heard nothing but good things about the Uglies YA series. It was even on a short list for the sophomore curriculum at the school where I teach. Geez, did we dodge a bullet! The concept sounded cool (a society where teenagers are all made to be beautiful on their 16th birthday), but the writing was total rubbish. Just a total paint-by-numbers plot with cardboard characters. I made it through two chapters. Then I decided, much like that woman from the famous internet video, “AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!”

Dishonorable Mention: Tomorrow When the War Began by John Marsden

The “‘Didn’t See That Comin’” Award

This award goes to a book I enjoyed way more than I expected to. And the Troxell goes to…

Under the Dome by Stephen King

Every year I try to read at least one Stephen King book. I love his early work, but then there’s a steep drop-off once he hits his Alcoholic Phase. This year I decided to spend my summer tackling his monstrosity, Under the Dome. Like most of his work, it was overly long and full of cardboard cut-out stock characters, but you know what? I really enjoyed it regardless of its flaws. It’s a cool concept (place a clear dome over a small town and see what happens) that plays out well, and, even though I hated the ending (The whole time I kept saying “Please don’t be aliens, please don’t be aliens…) I enjoyed my reading experience. Watchmen gets the honorable mention only because I’ve read it previously but I loved it as much as the first time. Awesome stuff.

Honorable Mention: Watchmen by Alan Moore

The “Gonorrhea” Award

This award goes to the book that I read the PREVIOUS year that has stayed with me two years later…much like an STD that just won’t go away. And the Troxell goes to…

Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian by Sherman Alexie

This is kind of cheating because I teach this book now so I had to reread it again this year so of course it stayed with me because it literally stayed with me. Still, it’s a great read and I dug even deeper into it the second go-around. I also read Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven and that was solid, too. Sherman Alexie is good stuff. Can’t wait to read him again next year!

The “Fountain of Youth” Award

This award goes to the best YA book I read this year. And the Troxell goes to…

Malice by Chris Wooding

Since I teach high school teens I’m always looking for books for young gentlemen who tell me with such pride that they HATE READING. Usually the book that I can recommend to those readers wins this award. This year it goes to Malice, which is this really innovative series that is part novel, part graphic novel (My two favorite things! Combined!). It’s about a young gentleman who finds this cursed comic that traps its readers inside its pages. Then he has to get out! Lots of action and adventure. Cool concept. It works.

Honorable Mention: After the Snow by S.D. Crocket

The “THAT’S THE STUFF” Award

This award goes to the best book I read during the year that was the equivalent of literary heroin. And the Troxell goes to…

The Two Towers by J.R.R. Tolkien

I’ve wanted to reread the entire Lord of the Rings epic for a while now. The last time I read it I was in my early 20s hiding in the storage room of The Dollar General with the book because I could not put it down. This year I was working on an epic quest novel so it gave me the perfect excuse to read the entire epic all over again. I knew Lord of the Rings would win this award back in March because, seriously, what’s going to be better than Lord of the Rings? It made the whole thing totally anticlimactic. I’m forcing myself to choose only one book so I’m going with Two Towers. Fellowship is a lot of set-up and really by the time I got to Return I was worn out so Two Towers gets the duke. I don’t think I have to explain why Lord of the Rings wins. Best underdog story of all-time. Best epic quest novel of all-time. The whole thing was really unfair to everything else I read during the year soooooo…

The “WOULD HAVE WON THE ‘THAT’S THE STUFF’ AWARD IF I HADN’T READ LORD OF THE RINGS THIS YEAR”Award

What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? by Peter Hedges

I’ve always loved the movie. I showed it at the end of last school year after my sophomores had finished reading Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time. Since there’s no movie for that novel I showed WEGG? to go along with the special needs theme. It was way better than I remembered. Then I found out there was a novel. So I read it. And it was amazingly awesome. It was everything that’s great about the movie and so much more. The characters are more fleshed out and the plot more complex. It’s sad, it’s funny, it’s simple mid-America literature. I love the struggle between obligation and self-actualization. Certainly something a lot of us can relate to (especially the parents/writers out there). If you’ve never read the novel, I highly recommend it.

So there you have it! Another year in literature. If you’re looking for trends, I suspect dystopian literature is going to be very big in 2017 with Trump taking office. To another great year of great books!

2016 Troxellian Literature Awards

•December 21, 2016 • Leave a Comment

It’s year number four for the world famous Troxellian Literature Awards, the mandatory end-of-year awards where I rate all the books I read over the past year and give them fake awards based on their goodness or badness (yup, those are the words I chose to use).

This was a down year for me reading-wise since I did a lot of writing this year. I finished another novel earlier in the year (an epic fantasy comedy) and I’m eight chapters into my latest novel (where a recent high school grad spends 30 days riding a roller coaster as part of a radio contest). As part of my revision process for my epic fantasy comedy I reread the entire Lord of the Rings saga so that took up a large part of the year. I also read a large number of graphic novels because…I like them and pictures are easier to look at than large blocks of text. In fact, a third of the books I read were graphic novels this year. Wow.

Regardless, there’s some interesting stuff on the list this year…and some utter crap. Here are the nominees in the order that I read them. I’ll post the winners some time before the end of the year:

1. Batman: Secret City by Scott Snyder (GN)

2. Batman: Dark City by Scott Snyder (GN)

3. Man in the High Castle by Phillip K. Dick

4. Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury

5. The Hobbit by J.R.R Tolkien

6. Astonishing X-Men by Joss Whedon (GN)

7. The Fellowship of the Ring by Tolkien

8. The Two Towers by Tolkien

9. Return of the King by Tolkien

10. What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? by Peter Hedges

11. Brian’s Winter by Gary Paulsen

12. Tomorrow When the War Began by John Marsden

13. After the Snow by S.D. Crockett

14. Under the Dome by Stephen King

15. Malice by Chris Wooding

16. The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven by Sherman Alexie

17. The Walking Dead Compendium 3 by Robert Kirkman (GN)

18. Another Fine Myth by Robert Asprin

19. Old Man Logan by Mark Miller (GN)

20. X-Men Apocalypse Compendium (GN)

21. Uglies by Scott Westerfeld

22. Watchmen by Alan Moore (GN)

 

America Undressed

•November 8, 2016 • Leave a Comment

We’ve seen America undressed over the past year…and it was not pretty.

The ugliest, nastiest, most sensationalized presidential election in the history of American politics finally comes to a close tonight. As I speak, final tallies are coming in from across the nation. I rarely write politic posts on this blog, but I wanted to write about the Hillary/Trump election before the results were official, mainly because I want it to be clear that the winner is irrelevant. I know most people won’t agree with that sentiment, but it’s true. The winner will be a different shade of bad than the other. Nothing more.

Even more important than the eventual winner is what we, as a nation, have lost over the past few months and I fear we’ve surrendered ideals that can never be reclaimed. It’s not all that different from 9/11. We were never the same after that day in 2001. We won’t be the same when the dust settles and all the stupid signs are pulled up out of people’s front lawns and the ads with the terrifying music finally fade into the abyss.

Here’s what we’ve learned from this election:

  • America’s celebrity worship is out of control. We can no longer tell the difference between entertainment and serious matters. They are one in the same. Celebrities are the new American gods.
  • The two major political parties openly manipulate the primary system and silence the voice of American voters…and absolutely nothing is done about it. We truly are powerless to stop The Machine when their treachery is laid out before us and they suffer zero consequences.
  • American morality is dead. The things that Clinton and Trump did and said should have disqualified them from living in any civilized community, not to mention run for President of the United States. In particular, the things Trump said during the election should have prevented any decent human being from supporting him, but his hate-filled rhetoric only seemed to empower his voting base. I can’t think of a more flagrant dismissal of morals since President Bill Clinton lied under oath, sexually assaulted women, and not only suffered zero real consequences but actually increased his popularity  throughout the country.
  • The Media’s bias is no longer conjecture. They actively engage in misinformation and misdirection to manipulate the public. They no longer report the news, they decide what the news is going to be. Truly terrifying…
  • Our choice is illusion. When you’re given a choice between a bullet or a blade, there is no choice.

Maybe this is too pessimistic, but I think it’s justified. The majority of people I speak to about politics feel an overwhelming sense of despair about the whole thing. When this election is over, Talking Heads will try to put a positive spin on things and talk about Americans coming together to blah blah blah (as they always do), but things will be different this time. I’m not sure you can piece America back together after it’s been drawn-and-quartered.

There are some things that can’t be unseen.

There are some things that can’t be unheard.

Some scars never heal.

If anything, I think there’s one thing we can all agree on, Democrats, Republicans, and everything in between: Things need to change.

The Book of the Macabre

•November 2, 2016 • Leave a Comment
My latest short story, Epidemic, appears in the newly released collection of unsettling stories, The Book of the Macabre. Check out the cover:
book_of_macabre
I always enjoy seeing my work in print. Most of my stories have appeared in e-zines, which is cool to be able to access the story whenever I feel the need, but there is something about pulling a magazine off a shelf and seeing your story among the pages. Opportunities to appear in print magazines are dwindling by the day so I try to appreciate it when I sneak a story into a honest-to-goodness paper magazine.
I wish I was prouder of Epidemic, but it’s a depressing piece (which is kind of the theme for the magazine, focusing on the macabre and all). It’s about a mother coming home during an epidemic and finding that her husband has taken their children into hiding out of fear she’s infected. She must wait the three-day incubation period until her family returns…if they return at all. It’s a literary piece that’s heavy on mood and tension.
My inspiration for this story came about while my wife and I were playing through worst-case scenarios. Cindy is a night nurse so we were discussing what I would do if there was an epidemic at the hospital where she works. I thought about it and the answer was tough but pretty simple: I would take the kids and leave if I thought that was the best way to keep them safe. That’s easy to say from the perspective of the parent taking the kids, but it would be much more difficult being on the other end of that scenario. So that’s the position I put myself in for the story. There’s nothing more terrifying for a parent than to be powerless to help your children or keep them safe. That’s where the horror element comes into play in my story.
If you’re interested in reading the story, check out the ordering information here.

New Online Story, “The Suit”

•September 10, 2016 • Leave a Comment

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There’s a new online story posted on my website. This one’s called “The Suit.” It’s about a man named Jon Zanetti who loses his job at his advertising firm and ends up working at the local supermarket. With his dignity all but tapped out, he decides to hijack the store…armed with nothing more than a really nice suit.

Here’s a taste:

     Jon wanted to apologize for not being able to support the family, but he had already apologized so many times, the idea of apologizing again just seemed hollow. He turned and watched his wife iron in nothing more than her socks and underwear. He followed her long, muscular legs all the way up to her white cotton panties. Sheila had been a runner in college, and she still had those thick yet feminine legs only female runners seem to have. He realized this was the most he had seen of his wife since losing his job.

     Sheila finished ironing her scrubs, and Jon quickly turned back to the closet so she wouldn’t catch him staring. She dressed and left without saying good-bye, leaving Jon with nothing to do but get his clothes ready for his shift at the store the next day.

     He pulled out an anonymous pair of khakis and a tan polo, but he couldn’t stand the sight of them. He threw them back into the closet and slammed the door. He leaned his back against it, knowing that his smock was waiting for him, clawing at the door. Gathering his resolve, he opened the door, but it wasn’t the smock that drew his attention. No, it was the Valentino suit, hanging there amidst his pauper clothes, reminding him of what he once was, looking regal and reeking of all his past success. He smiled at it like an old friend coming to visit and he felt like his old friend smiled back.

If you want to read the rest of the story, check it out here: The Suit