I’m a writer; now kick me in the balls

I’ve come up with the perfect metaphor for what it means to be a writer (and I don’t mean some emo kid who jots down his frowny-faced feelings in his journal every night before he cries himself to sleep; no, someone who sends out work for actual publication). So here it is…

Being a writer trying to get published is like opening a door multiple times a day, hoping someone will be standing on the other side ready to hand you a cookie. Unfortunately, nine times out of ten, instead of someone standing there with a cookie, it’s usually one of those dudes from Mad Max wearing a spiked shit-kicker boot who then precedes to kick you square in the balls. And even though you know opening the door means you’re most likely going to get kicked in the balls, you still keep opening the door over…and over…and over again. Sometimes even multiple times a day!

And that’s what it means to be a writer.

When you’ve got queries out to agents or publishers or short stories or poetry out to magazines or websites, you open every email hoping for that acceptance (the cookie), but more than likely it’s a rejection (the kick in the balls). It’s a pretty complicated metaphor so I hope you’re able to follow. The first couple shots to the ‘ole baby-makers sting real bad – so bad you start to question whether it’s worth opening the door again. But you force yourself to do it. And the sick thing is that after a couple dozen boots to balls, when they’re the size of bowling balls and you’re coughing up blood, you start to like it a little.

But then it happens. You open the door expecting the usual boot and there someone is holding a cookie…and all that punishment to your genitals makes it taste that much sweeter. Mmm…delicious.

Tonight I opened the door expecting a boot, but I got the cookie…twice. Two cookies in one night. I’m having a story published this month in Dark Futures (it’s their zombie-themed month) and in January I’ll have an illustrated story in Story Station. That’s a good night. That’s when you’re proud for opening the door all those times. But a quick side-note: in addition to my two acceptances, I also took a shot to the marbles with a rejection from a third submission.

Two cookies and one punt to the package. I’ll take that any day of the week.


~ by themoderntranscendentalist on October 1, 2013.

One Response to “I’m a writer; now kick me in the balls”

  1. My friend, getting kicked in the balls is the fun part. It’s all about the journey. Enjoy the ride. At least you have the balls to go for your dreams. Congrats! Never quit.

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