Rant: Doctors are Stupid


Beware anyone who brags about having an advanced degree.

This past weekend I earned my M.A. in Creative Writing. This is not me bragging; this is a statement of fact. I’m proud of the work I put into earning the degree and I certainly received more than an adequate education from Wilkes University, but I also realize that no one besides me and my immediate family (and even that’s a little iffy) gives a damn – or at least no one should. I also realize how little an advanced degree really means in the overall scheme of things. In actuality, it’s pointless. If my profession didn’t point a gun to my head and force me to get one, I certainly wouldn’t even bother. Not because I don’t value education (I do), but here’s a simple equation to explain why advanced degrees are so meaningless.

Time + Money = Advanced Degree

That’s it. That’s all it takes. You got enough time, you got enough money, you, too, my friends, can be a doctor. Some of the dumbest people I know are doctors. That’s because any doctor whose job doesn’t require them to reach inside another person’s body to massage their heart to bring them back to life is most likely an insecure, pretentious jerkwad. It has everything to do with being able to say, “I’m a doctor” and nothing to do with education. Advanced degrees were created for lazy college grads who are too terrified to face the real world and pretentious pricks who need to boost their egos so they can forget about all the wedgies and dateless Friday nights they experienced back in high school.

The world of academia is the absolute worst when it comes to insecure little people who are made of glass. Their egos are so fragile they have to throw around their degrees in a vain attempt to prove to themselves that they’re not absolute frauds. They’ll fit it into any conversation, no matter how unrelated. “Did you see the game last night, and, oh yeah, I have my Masters degree in total bullshit.” Sometimes people have two or three advanced degrees…and oh how I hate them even more. Tell me: how many family vacations or birthday presents for your kids did you sacrifice so you could continue to stroke your own ego?

Here’s a perfect example of what I’m talking about: I had someone who taught college-level English classes tell me that my eight years teaching high school English wouldn’t give me an advantage over MA students with no teaching experience when it came to applying for a college-level teaching position because…wait for it…”It’s high school.” Really? You mean the fact that I’ve successfully taught in the classroom for multiple years wouldn’t give me an advantage for a teaching position? I’m pretty sure I could teach two days a week and stand in front of a lecture hall and bore students for an hour after spending eight years creating interactive and challenging student-centered lessons, managing student discipline, dealing with parents, preparing students for state tests, supervising extracurricular activities, and teaching five days a week. Oh, I think I could manage.

And I’m not blaming this woman. She was simply expressing the opinion of the college elite who live on ivory clouds high above the Morlock high school teachers who exist in the bowels of the earth. But let me tell you something: I could walk onto any college campus and be one of the best teachers by the end of the first semester; not because I have an advanced degree but because I know how to teach. Put me in a classroom full of students and I eat doctors for breakfast and shit out PhDs.

That’s because, in the real world, there’s only one thing that matters and it’s not some rolled-up scroll of paper with a pretty bow wrapped around it. It’s this:

What a person can do and what a person can’t do.

So take your advanced degree and use it for toilet paper for all I care.


~ by themoderntranscendentalist on June 30, 2013.

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