Presidential Debates

It’s that time of year again when all the television shows you want to watch disappear so you’re forced to pretend to care about politics before you vote for one yahoo or another in November.

That’s right, kiddies, it’s DEBATE SEASON!

Despite the fact that most voters who actually give a damn have already known who they were going to vote for for months, we still find it necessary as a society to have our presidential candidates face off against one another and tell the American people a bunch of thinly-veiled and often vague lies about how they’re going to fix this or that and blah blah blah bullshit.

I really couldn’t have chosen a better time to be writing a political satire than during an election year. I’ve been fed so much material it isn’t even funny…oh wait, it actually is quite funny.

In Dystopia, the main character ends up running for president after traveling 54 years into the future. He runs against his older and more evil self and his fake wife who had traveled back in time to make his life hell for a historic reality show (it’s complicated). Here’s a taste from the threeway debate:

     The moderator looked up at Millie and fired the first question. “Our first question is from Logan Ruhn of St. Paul Minnesota. Mrs. Protagenski, what—is your favorite color?”

     “Ooh, great question,” Millie moaned into her mike.  “I would have to say that my favorite color is black since that’s the color of most of my bras and other unmentionables.” She giggled and leaned forward, offering the jumbo screens a nice shot down the top of her dress.

     The question moved next to the President. He wore a curt little smirk and stared directly at me as he said, “My favorite colors would have to be red, white, and blue because they represent the land of liberty that we all call home,” which was exactly word-for-word what I was going to say, and the bastard knew it, too.

     The question bounced to me next, and, since the President had stolen my answer, I wasn’t sure what to say.

     “Well,” I said, leaning too close to the mike and causing a scratch of feedback. “Oh—sorry. I guess I would have to say that—umm—orange is my favorite color.”

      “Typical!” President Protag shouted. “Scientific studies—by scientists—have shown that orange is the color most preferred by serial killers.”

       An audible gasp filled the arena.


~ by themoderntranscendentalist on October 14, 2012.

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