Adventures in sTupidity: Family Van Stickers

So here are the people I need to murder...


Dear user of family van stickers,

I just wanted to thank you for using the family van stickers on the back of your vehicle. Now when I break into your home, I’ll know exactly how many people and animals to murder. Back before the days of the stickers, every now and then I’d miss a little kid hiding under a bed or a closet—not anymore! Now I just check the back of the van and make me a nice little list before I go in. Then when I’m all done I’ll go out and double-check the back of the van (Let’s see…I got two large people, two small people, a dog, a cat, and a chinchilla…yup, that’s all of ‘em). So again, thank you for making my life easier and letting me know exactly what I’m getting into before I step foot through your window. I know the stickers are incredibly tacky, but I do appreciate you thinking about your friendly neighborhood serial killer when you go out to decorate your van. God bless and I’ll see ya real soon!

Yours truly,

Your friendly neighborhood serial killer


~ by themoderntranscendentalist on September 12, 2011.

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